Dearly Beloved family,
Are you ready for this long letter?
From the emails that I have received in the past few weeks, it seems that each one of us has our "mountains to climb" (Elder Eyring). Let us all continue to pray for one another and pray for the humility and strength to cheerfully submit to the will of the Lord. I cannot put into words all that has happened recently but I will bear my testimony.
First, I want to say, I am grateful for these hardships that we are facing. I really am, and I would not have it any other way. I know that Heavenly Father loves us greatly. He has handpicked each one of these situations that we are living.
My testimony of the atonement has grown a lot within the past few days. I feel physically, emotionally and spiritually weaker than ever, but the Lord strengthens me every minute!!! Sorella McFadden told me an analogy that I like- there is a monkey inside each of our minds. If we don't keep it shut inside it's cage, it will run out and destroy everything in our house- it will pull out all the food in the fridge, break the china, rip up the couch, etc. As violent as this example is, it could really be compared to how self-destructive our thoughts can be.
I have been working extra hard to keep my thoughts focused and positive so that I can have faith and be peaceful. It takes a lot of concentration to not allow temptations and negative thoughts to come into my mind. I have felt discouraged and trapped this week, but with the help of my Savior, I have been able to find peace and feel the spirit in abundance. As you can tell, my brain is still scattered right now...
Recently, I was the recipient of a hurtful act in town. Here is the way that I handled it: I concentrated all my efforts on imagining that I was in a different place. I imagined myself being in a silent, empty ballet studio that was cold, and I stood next to a piano. I could hear a beautiful peaceful arrangement of a hymn. I felt so free. I was almost there in that place. I felt the Spirit again and was ready to keep talking to others with a smile. I know that the power of Christ's Atonement made this possible.
I have had several other experiences like this recently...it may sound crazy but they seriously saved my life. I have come to the realization that my Savior is so merciful and compassionate in my behalf even though I am a sinner and I make so many mistakes. This forces me to let go of my pride and to love others unconditionally and overlook their weaknesses, as well as my own. I am grateful for all the opportunities there are every minute to serve others. To smile and salute people, to share the gospel. It helps me to stop thinking about my own problems and to be healed.
Sorry, I know I am talking a lot about myself but I feel like I should share this other bus experience, maybe for Weylin's sake. After talking to three people who were not interested I tripped and dropped my Book of Mormon and whiteboard. I reached down and grabbed them and stumbled to go talk to someone else. One of the woman who had rejected me now stopped me. I will never forget the marvel in her face as she asked me, "Excuse me, why do you do this?" I felt like asking myself the same question. I was sweaty and tired and somewhat discouraged. I responded, "I don't know, because I know that this message is true. This book makes me happy." She said, "Do you somehow receive strength from God? How are you able to keep going? What is it about you that gives you the capacity to do this?" I was surprised with how open she was. She was speaking the words of her mind. I immediately felt the Spirit prompt me to bear testimony about the atonement. I said "I am so weak. But I know that Jesus Christ suffered for all of our sins, and temptations and pains and sadness...I cannot comprehend how He did it, but I know He did because through Him I am able to do more than I could on my own." She accepted a pass-along-card and got off the bus.
I am sure that these things are more than applicable to all of us in our lives. We are all human, we are all simple and weak. There is much that the Lord has entrusted us with and it is through our experiences that we really understand how the atonement works. It would be great to sit in the temple all day and ponder the scriptures, but nothing could substitute for this earthly experience that the Lord permits us to have. It is a challenge, but it is the most wonderful time of growth!
Sorella McFadden is transferring to Verona and Sorella Hanks is coming to Genova! I love Sorella McFadden. She has changed my life sooo much. I feel so good about what we did and became this transfer. I feel like we have been together for 6 months, we worked soo hard.
I love you all more than I can express. Keep the faith! Never lose sight of the blessings awaiting us. I love what mom wrote me a while back, "Dear, don't count the days. Count the blessings and miracles."
Love,
Sorella Oakes
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